that's so random

She's going to kill me for posting these. Love you sister xox. Also my dog. Can't stop laughing. 

monochromatic

Top: H&M, Jeggings: The Bay, Necklace: American Eagle, Shoes: Steve Madden

I absolutely love this look. It's perfect for days when you don't want to wear anything too fussy, but still want to look pulled together. It is honestly one of the most comfortable outfits ever.

a step back in time

Had the fortune of picking up my sister from pioneer camp yesterday. Lucky for my mom and I we got there half an hour early and had time to tour around the village for a little bit. Highlights included finding a quilt that my mom instantly fell in love with, as well as sheep {because she looooves to knit}. Taking pictures with horses and becoming freaked out when they are within face eating distance {because that's what horses do right? Yes.} All in all a good way to spend an afternoon. 

awkward and awesome thursday!

Awkward
- Thinking that minecraft was actually mindcraft up until this week. It will always be mindcraft in my head. 
- My hair. Specifically my hair colour. More specifically the fact that the hair at the very front {what would be my bangs} is significantly lighter than the rest of my hair. 
- Driving in the country and it starts to get dark. And you have absolutely no idea where you are. And you almost hit numerous animals trying to cross the road. {Sorry mom. My mom doesn't like it when I drive in the country at night}
- Man who was wearing just a robe to take out the garbage. If you live on a busy street you are not allowed to leave the house wearing that. Sorry. 
- That moment when you realize you forgot that you had to pay for a meal plan next year. Also realizing that that means you now need to come up with four thousand dollars asap. That was fun. 
- Thinking that you had tons of room to make a right turn at a red, then realizing mid-turn that you are inches away from getting hit from that super fast SUV that was hiding behind a pole seconds before. Never. Want. To. Drive. Again. Like ever.
- Blogger deciding that letting me preview posts before I publish them is no longer going to happen. Why can it never be easy?  
- When you try and link your blog with another blog using that linky thing {i'm being super specific, I know} and you think you've written in the title that you wanted, only to realize after publishing that you only spelt half the last word, thinking that the internet knew what you wanted to say and would finish it for you. It's not like hundreds of thousands of people will see your mistake. Oh wait. 

Awesome 
- Can I just put university here? I am sooooo sooooo sooooo excited.
- Listening to "Just Haven't Met You Yet" by Michael Bublé in a grocery store and picturing this. Maybe one day he'll show up. That would be great. 
- Also, listening to Michael Bublé's Christmas album and wishing for Christmas to hurry up. I am not ashamed of this. At. All. 
- Being able to figure out all these blogger codes to spruce up my blog. For someone who is admittedly unable to use anything technology related, this is a big accomplishment. 
- The sound of rain and wind just before bed. This will never get old. 
- Good Time by Owl City and Carly Rae Jepsen. We don't even have try, it's always a good time! Waaaaaooh! Waaaaaooooh! Been stuck in my head all day every day.  
- Forest Gump. 

read and write wednesday

This weeks "read and write" post is a little bit different. I'm in the middle of reading Nicholas Sparks "Safe Haven", but I want to finish reading it before I give my thoughts and favourite quotes. I will however share with you what I've been looking up on the internet. This week I've been {a little} obsessed with Kourtney Kardashian's street style. She always looks so pulled together and classic, which is a look I really love. How she always manages to look flawless with the perfect outfit, the perfect hair and the perfect makeup is beyond me {well actually let's be honest she has a whole team working on her 24/7}. But still. She is someone I turn to for fashion inspiration. The looks above are some of my favourites. They were all found from her website if you wanted to go and check out some more for yourself. 

I love how none of her outfits are over accessorized. Just classic pieces pulled together with one statement piece {like that amazing orange bag above!}. Her hair and makeup never seem over the top {for a celebrity at least}, but still pulled together. I think all of her looks would be really easy to recreate on a budget and she is always able to stay current with fashion trends while maintaining a timeless look. 

workaholic

I feel like I've become my worst nightmare. A workaholic. I have been picking shifts up like crazy recently and it feels like work is now my home because I spend the majority of my time there. Work has woken me up twice this week asking me to come in. I guess this is what summer vacations are suppose to be about, especially when you have university to pay for in just a month. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. {Maybe if I keep saying it, it will come true? Ah, let's not kid ourselves it's still rough}

On another note, my lovely father took my outfit pictures for today's post. You can tell he's a true hockey fan when he directs me to stand in front of a hockey net and pose as a goalie.

Also, today is the last day I am eating wheat. Ugh. It was good while it lasted. 

Finally, I think I might just ditch the whole fashion post thing and just photograph my dog. It's much easier than trying to coerce one of my unwilling family members to take pictures of me. 

Okay it's decided. I'm going crazy. 

Until next time, 

- E 

man shopping

We don't actually have a pest problem. We just thought the names were hilarious.

"Now I didn't bring a list so we'll have to go up and down every aisle" 

This weekend it's just my dad and I here at home and we decided to spend the afternoon together. It started off with lunch at Zoup, where I managed to completely destroy my fork while eating a salad. Then we went "man shopping". I've decided this is my dad's new favourite past time. Now for those of you who don't know what man shopping is {like me before today}, there are three simple rules: 

1.  You must get super excited to go to stores like Canadian Tire, Shoppers Drugmart and Staples.

2.  The maximum time you can spend shopping is one hour. 

3.  You need to buy lots of stuff.

It was quite possibly the most interesting shopping experience I've had in a while, but it was a lot of fun. Hope everyone else is having a fantastic weekend! 

in remembrance of

I was contemplating whether or not I would actually write this post. It's something that I consider to be very personal and the thought of it being on the internet for everyone to read was a bit really intimidating. But then I thought about why I'm writing this blog. It's to document my life, the things that I do on a daily basis, the little moments I enjoy and even the outfits I wear. So that I can look back and remember everything. And as much as I love writing about fantastic things like trips I go on and hanging out with my friends and family, it would be completely unrealistic to pretend like that is all that happens in my life. I have bad days, and sad things happen. So I guess to stay true to blogging about what happens in my life, I need to write about not only the good but the bad as well. And I guess that is what this post is about. 

On November 27th this year I woke up around three o'clock in the morning. I don't know why, maybe there was a noise in the house or I was too hot. It isn't important. What is important was that I was up at this crazy hour of the night and I could not get back to sleep. About thirty minutes later I heard the phone ring. I ran to go get it, confused as to why anyone would be calling at that hour. As I reached the phone I saw on the caller ID that it was my grandparents calling. My grandfather had passed away in his sleep from a heart attack.

I have never felt so sick and sad and empty all at the same time. I've never lost anyone close to me before and it was hard to process everything. It didn't feel like this was actually happening.

I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't want to see anyone. I didn't want to talk. For the next week every time I went out in public I would get cloudy vision and dizzy and couldn't breath. I started having major anxiety and panic attacks. I missed two and half weeks of school. I didn't want to deal with anything.

Some of my friends would try to comfort me. One night they all wanted to hang out. One of my friends was coming home to study for finals and we were going to pick her up from the train station. Some of us met up for coffee before and I was trying to convince my best friend to come as well. I guess he was having a bad day or something, I don't know. The exact details are a bit blurry to me know. Anyways, he got angry with me and said some awful things to me about the death I was dealing with. Things that I can never forget as hard as I try.

Not only had I lost someone I admired, but someone who I considered to be my best friend was acting like a stranger.

My thoughts would constantly circle. I kept replaying the days previous to my grandfather's death. We had been at an event and he had just got back from a two month vacation. I could only stay at the event for less than an hour because of work and I didn't go up to him and say hi. I could do it next time I saw him I thought. The next night he had called to talk to my dad and I can remember wanting to talk to him, but letting it go. Again, I would talk to him later. He wasn't ill. There was no reason for him to go when he did. No one suspected it. He was perfectly fine the day before he passed. The amount of guilt I felt, and to be honest still feel today, because I hadn't talked to him has stuck with me.

As with all things though, time seemed to heal some of the hurt. I started reading the bible a lot. I found passages that helped me come to terms with things, my favourite being this:

"Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come. 
Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it." 2 Corinthians 5:1-9

The reason I am writing this now is because after my grandfather passed away he was cremated. And today is his burial service. All I can say now is that I have learned so much from all of this. How to deal with death. More about my friends. More about God. The importance of not putting off what you could get done today for tomorrow. 

My grandfather was someone I was very close with. But it's not because he was particularly fond of me, although I know all of his family had a special place in his heart. It's because everyone he met, he was close with. He had a way of talking to people that kept them engaged. He was genuinely interested in everything about people. He was the funniest person I've ever met. He was witty. He made you feel special. He gave you the hardest time, but that was okay, because he loved you. It was all part of his charm. He was one of the few people I admire.
 
He was kind of amazing.
 
I know this is a lot. And I am fully aware that there are so many people that have had to deal with so much worse than I have, and I do feel a bit ridiculous ranting about this. Going on like it is the most devastating thing. But for me, it is. I promise there will be lots of happy stories to come later this week about the crazy things I do with my life. I just needed to write this. I didn't really talk about it to anyone when it happened. And I don't like talking about it now. But writing is a bit different, and I guess this is a bit of closure. I found a poem a while back here that kind of sums it all up. 

If tears could build a stairway

and thoughts a memory lane
I'd walk right up to heaven
and bring you home again
No Farewell words were spoken
No time to say good-bye
You were gone before I knew it
And only God knows why.

My heart's still active in sadness
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No one can ever know.
But now I know you want us
To mourn for you no more
To remember all the happy times
Life still has much in store.

Since you'll never be forgotten
I pledge to you today
A hallowed place within my heart
Is where you'll always stay.

God knows why, with chilling touch,
Death gathers those we love so much,
And what now seems so strange and dim,
Will all be clear, when we meet Him.

- Author Unknown